31 Jan 2010

Outcry as Jesus proclaims he’s ‘bigger than The Beatles’

Conservative America led the backlash against Jesus today, after comments attributed to him suggested that he thinks he is ‘bigger than The Beatles’. Across America, Beatles fundamentalists burned copies of the Bible and smashed crosses in protest.

Said one unidentified man in Idaho yesterday: ‘This is just a wild and unprovoked attack on The Beatles, for no apparent reason! Yes, Jesus is the son of God – but when was the last time you listened to one of his albums? His harmonies are not a patch on even the worst George Harrison ditty.’

Others suggested that fame, and worldwide worship, had finally gone to Jesus’ head: ‘Yes, he turned water into wine. Yes, he brought light and hope into a world of darkness. Yes, he is our saviour. But he’s no Lennon!’

Jesus’ most recent single, last year's Kanye Walks, failed to make the top 40 in either the US or UK. Some have suggested his appeal may be waning, especially since he split with Judas. Jesus himself was unavailable to comment at the time of press.
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Film review: Precious

Precious has just opened in the UK, and I would urge everybody to go and see it. Rarely does a North American film provide such a stark and uncompromising vision of poverty. Based on the book Push by Sapphire, the film introduces us to Precious, a 16 year-old grossly obese black woman who is subject to abuse at the hands of her aggressive and dominating mother (played excellently by Mo'nique), her boyfriend, and (more broadly) by a system which seems unable or unwilling to engage with her.

While directors such as Ken Loach have been painting stark portraits of poverty in the UK for many years, no such director or film springs to mind which addresses the plight of the black American poor. Too often black American cinema begins and ends in gangster (gangsta?) cliché – see Boyz In the Hood, Belly, etc.. This is not just a film for black and/or American audiences. The themes are universal, and the impact that this film delivers should, and I believe will, be felt widely.

Some commentators have suggested this film presents a derogatory vision of black Americans. I beg to differ, and believe that while the film does at times present images which reflect entrenched racial stereotypes, this doesn’t in itself make the film inherently racist. So yes, there is a scene in which Precious steals a box of fried chicken, but to suggest this puts it on par with Birth of a Nation is simply grotesque. The bottom line here is that some black people like fried chicken (and plenty of whites, including this blogger too), plenty of Jews are lawyers, and many Chinese have PHD’s. Just because something has become a stereotype doesn’t mean it isn’t ever true, or that commenting on it then instantly reinforces a stereotype. What does Armond White think that poor Americans, be they black or white, eat? Caviar? Quiche?

If anything, the film provides a window into the lives of an underclass which many viewers either don’t believe exists, or choose to ignore. It humanises the very bottom rung of society, and provides a sympathetic portrait of Precious’ plight. To call this an uplifting film is perhaps a step too far, but by the end of the narrative we see Precious having been empowered – through finally finding support and a way to express her feelings and desires – rather than abused and demeaned.

In the US, where welfare recipients are often viewed as barely human and even the poor themselves will demonstrate against such socially beneficial policies as universal health care, this film is a brutal antidote to right-wing propaganda. It’s not easy viewing, but is guaranteed to stimulate much debate and thought. I watched it over five days ago and still it lingers in my mind. Can there be a higher accolade?

Precious is out now on general release in the UK.
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4 Jan 2010

Reflection Eternal return

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, hopefully this new banger from the Reflection Eternal clan will fill the void. Link after the jump.

Reflection Eternal feat. Jay Electronica, J. Cole & Mos Def - Just Begun
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16 Dec 2009

Rage Against The Machine vs Joe McElderry: Fight!

Following a Facebook campaign to usurp this year's X-Factor finalist from the coveted Xmas number-one, it seems that RATM are going to take the Christmas top-spot. All round cheers and general congratulations for those who spent 79p (or whatever an iTunes download costs; you wouldn't catch me actually paying for music) on this pathetic campaign to win a useless accolade.

Savvy commentators have pointed out that both RATM and McElderry are both part of the Sony behemoth, totally missing the point that virtually all music on iTunes is owned by Warner, EMI, Sony or Universal - with Apple taking a substantial cut of every download sold. Despite earlier claims by these juggernauts that the internet would bust their businesses wide open, we have yet to see any major in-roads made by smaller companies. The 'big four' simply have too much money to spend on marketing, despite the fact that the growth of digital distribution should have, theoretically, made it easier than ever for smaller labels to turn a profit.

Presumably those who were involved in this campaign felt they were 'sticking it to the man', and taking a stand against formulated pop. After all, Rage's contender is a winner of a reality TV show singing a song by fucking Miley Cyrus. What these folk may have failed to understand is that by engaging and giving value to the Xmas number-one race (currently number one? Peter-fucking-Kay), they are merely helping to prop up the bloated shit-fuck of a dinosaur that is the music industry. By the time that Apple and Sony have taken their cut, there is little left to give to the grizzled bunch of musicians whose last worthwhile contribution to recorded music was 17 years ago. So when Tom Morello says that the chart battle has injected 'a little dose of anarchy for the holidays', his cry rings hollow.

Now a bunch of self-satisfied tossers (over 150,000 of them), can congratulate themselves on being 'so fucking real'. I tell you what would be really anarchic - bombing Sony. Or Universal. Or even learning a fucking instrument, recording a decent track, and selling it independently. Not buying some old rock fossil's crap single from a multinational website. Does anyone even honestly like Rage Against The Machine anymore? They're like skateboarding or wanking over Razzle - fun when you're 13 but pretty pathetic when you're 30 years old. Me, I'm listening to MGMT and watching quality bootlegged internet porn. Now THAT'S sticking it to the man!

Surely those buying Killing in the Name Of's main motivation is to topple McElderry's single - not that they actually like RATM. Couldn't they use their hard-earned cash more wisely? To say, go and see a band they actually like? One they like NOW, not 17 years ago? The whole thing is wildly adolescent. And if we want to be totally adolescent, why not buy something with a title that couldn't even be printed or spoken of in the mainstream media? Like Black Vagina Finda by Onyx or Bitches and Niggaz by Snoop Dogg? Now there's some good music for dat ass, and it would have been much funnier. What would Simon Cowell say to that?

As a matter of general principle I have bought fifteen copies of McElderry's ear-wank, and charged it to the company. You can all stand in line to kiss my ass, and thank me for it later.
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15 Nov 2009

iPod Battle Royale Part Deux

One of the nights I DJ at is the iPod Battle Royale, next happening on the 11th December at the Hive Bar in Brixton. Essentially, teams go head-to-head and song-for-song in an all-out iPod-battle for supremacy. Sign up is before the night, you can contact me via the 'email me' link on this blog if you're interested in taking part. I will be joined on the night by the highly talented DJ Nicky D, and in honour of the night we have slammed a little mix together for your listening pleasure. This one's pretty eclectic, there's something for everyone. Tracklisting and download link after the jump. Holla!

DJ Nicky D & Akuma present iPod Battle Royale Mix 2

Akuma's Intro
Jan Hammer - Crockett's Theme
The Game - Higher
Busta Rhymes ft Swizz Beatz - Watch Ya Mouth
Nore ft Pharrell - Nothin'
Spandau Ballet - True
Bill Withers - Lovely Day
Naughty By Nature - OPP
Onyx - Slam
Kid Cudi ft Kanye West & Common - Make Her Say
The Trammps - Rubber Band
The Game ft 50 Cent - Hate It Or Love It
MGMT - Time To Pretend
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Suck My Kiss
Beastie Boys - Shake Your Rump
Ol' Dirty Bastard ft Kelis - Got Your Money
Apathy & Celph Titled ft J-Zone - Nut Reception
Dolly Parton - 9 To 5
Fabolous ft Pharrell - Holla Back
Snap - The Power (Dub)
Foreign Beggars & Noisia - Contact
Hall & Oats - I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)
Busta Rhymes Ft Pharrell - Kill Dem
Stone Roses - Fool's Gold
Nicky D's Intro
Kansas - Dust In The Wind
Jay-Z - Jockin' Jay-Z (Travis Barker Remix)
Oasis - Wonderwall
Jimi Hendrix - Foxy Lady
Beyonce - Work It Out
Marley Marl ft MC Shan - Marley Marl Scratch
Jackson 5 - I Want You Back
Freeway ft Peedi Crakk - Flipside
Jamie Foxx - Blame It On Tequila
Warren G & Nate Dogg - Regulate (Keep Regulating Mix)
Lynard Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama
Run DMC - King Of Rock
AC/DC - Back In Black
Queen - We Will Rock You
Wayne Wonder - No Letting Go
Joan Jett And The Blackhearts - I Love Rock n' Roll
Eric B & Rakim - I Know You Got Soul
Billy Squier - Big Beat
Dizzee Raskal - Fix Up Look Sharp
Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire (Team Canada Remix)
Eve - Tambourine ft Swizz Beatz
Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air
Amerie - One Thing
Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
The Bangles - Walk Like An Egyptian
DJ Shadow - Organ Donor
Chemical Brothers - Block Rockin' Beats
Jay-Z - Encore
Justice - Genesis
Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
Outro
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22 Oct 2009

Skream vs Chromeo

And you thought the La Roux remix went hard.... Link after the jump.

Chromeo - Night by Night (Skream Remix)
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17 Oct 2009

Stupid rapper names

Rappers just love calling themselves stupid names. It’s always amusing when you find out that rapper’s real names are wonderfully pedestrian. Here’s to you Dennis (aka Ghostface Killah) and Calvin (Snoop). Below is a little list of stupid rapper names that spring to mind. Enjoy.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard

He should have just called himself ‘Huge Fat Rapist’ and been done with it.

C Murder

The No Limit soldier doesn’t have the silliest of names out there - but his moniker comes into its own when you take into account his life imprisonment for…. murder. The trial must have been a barrel of laughs (with all due respect to the victim’s family).

Judge: How do you, Mr C Murder, plead to the charge of murder?
C Murder: Guilty. I mean, innocent. Damn, I dunno. I’m C Murder bitches!

Uncle Murda

East New York shooter and general badass, who may well find himself in the same position as C Murder. It can’t be a good idea to boast about being a murderer, it must look terrible in court. I wonder if he has any nieces and nephews, and if they call him Murda? That’d be cute.

Snoop Doggy Dogg

Now known by the abbreviated ‘Snoop Dogg’, because Snoop Doggy Dogg just sounds stupid. He’s been around so long it doesn’t even seem silly anymore. But it is. Totally.

Swollen Members

I mean, seriously. Naming your group after two or more engorged penises (no homo von Kanye) is just plain nasty, and way homo.

Puff Daddy aka P Diddy, aka Diddy

I don’t really think this needs any explanation. Dangerously close to ‘Poof Daddy’ – which instantly conjures up an image of a dodgy relative who can’t be left alone with the kids at Christmas.

Shorty Shit Stain

One of the late great Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s weed carriers, as featured on Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version, and the king of silly rapper names. Who would dream of calling themselves Shorty Shit Stain? Unless of course it’s his government name, which I very much doubt. Can you imagine his parent’s ante-natal conversations?

Dad: I was thinking Robert or Jonathan if it’s a boy.
Mom: Really? I quite like Shit Stain.

Free advice for aspiring rappers

Don’t name yourself after:

• a trademark which you WILL get sued for,
• some shit super-hero that no-one likes,
• faeces,
• a rapist, dictator, or other criminal.
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